Saturday, April 16, 2011

Identity

So, I know I said I would update about Prague and Berlin, but this seems more important since it is a part of the experience of being in these places. I will start at the beginning. I went to wash dishes in the communal kitchen and it just so happens that my neighbor was there cooking. He is like me in the way that his parents are from Turkey and he was born in Austria, whereas I was born in the USA and my parents are from Mexico. We talked about identity, racism and discrimination, and how we are seen by society at large. We found out that a lot of things are the same. For example when he goes to Turkey people there say he is Austrian, but when he is in Austria people here say he is Turkish. It is the same for me. When I got to Mexico people there call me "Gringa," "Pocha," or American, but when I am in the USA I am called Mexican. I also asked him about his experience in school. I was wondering if it was the same as mine, which was getting taught Spanish first then English and he told me no. Here they just hammer German into you. He told me that it's only until recently that that they have figured out that one must learn his or her mother language first and then move on to the other language. We also talked about the criminalization of Turkish people in Austria and the criminalization of Latinas/os in the USA. It surprised me how many things are the same between us and them. He said that they are seen as a virus here and I would also agree that we are seen the same way in the USA. By the way this entire conversation happened in German!
Then I came back to my room and found my friend Thaddeus online. I told him about the conversation I had with my neighbor. Then we started talking about this further and a few interesting quotes came out of this conversation which can be found on Facebook. A lot of what I am going to say came out of this conversation with him. I told him one of the things I have noticed here and that I have also mentioned to other people, including my neighbors, is that it’s weird for me to be here in Vienna and not feel like a target. The Turkish are to Austria as Mexicans are to the USA. I will speak here about Mexicans/Mexican Americans because that is what I know best and that is really what I experience in the USA. I know what it is like to be Mexican within the context of the USA. What I don't know is what it means to Mexican in Austria. Like I said it's different because I'm not a part of the target group; therefore, I don't feel like a target. I am not criminalized in this country; at least I don't feel that I am. The way my friend Thaddeus described it is that I moved up into the privileged group here. I am not going to lie; it is nice not feeling like a target here, but it is weird. I am trying to figure out the rules but I can't. I know the rules in the USA. I need to know them they ensure survival. I understand some of them in Mexico, but I don't know all of them. Here I just don't know. I guess here rules can be seen as obstacles and barriers. I know what obstacles and barriers exist for me in the U.S., I am familiar with them in Mexico, but here since in a way I am in a position of privilege I don't know what they are. I am not used to being in a position of privilege, at least in this aspect if privilege, so I may be trying to find rules, obstacles, and/or barriers that may not exist, or that aren't as abundant as I am used to.
Another identity thing I ran into here is the "American Identity." It literally kills me on the inside, when I am with in a big group of students from UIUC and when they ask someone where we are from and that person says, “We’re American." The reason it bothers me so much is that saying just "American" does not encompass what I am and who I am. It doesn't adequately describe my position within the USA. It doesn't cover my experience. I mean, that word "American" I feel does not really include me. It doesn't say anything about me. When I first got here I used to say that I was Mexican American. I wasn't sure if people would understand Chicana or Latina, and I couldn't just say Mexican like I do in the USA, because that would imply I was born and raised in Mexico, which is not correct. Then I figured out that when I said Mexican American I was actually saying that I come from the continent of the Americas (North, South, and Central), but from the country Mexico. Keep in mind this was in German within the context of the German language. Now I just say I was born in the USA, but my parents are from Mexico and I am somewhere in the middle. And the cool thing about this is that I can say this in German, maybe not grammatically correct German, but I get my point across.
Also, when you say you are American you also carry the stereotypes associated with that identity, and let me tell you the stereotypes about Americans are not good. I mean, yes I am used to carrying stereotypes (good and bad) around. It comes with the territory whether I like it or not. When I identify as Mexican, Latina, or Chicana, I feel I carry everything those identities encompass. Not that I know everything, but I mean talking about good or bad stereotypes, prejudices, and other things. I feel like I don't carry that here, which is a load off my back. So when it comes to the negative stereotypes that are associated with the "American Identity" I opt out. I don't want to carry that stereotype, especially since I feel it is not really mine. I'll clarify this further. The impression that I have gotten here is that most people seem to still think of Americans as white and that does not include me, so that is why I feel the stereotype does not include me. I guess part of me feels this: "Let them carry their own stereotype for once. I carry enough."
I am still grappling with my own identity within the context of USA and Mexico. I am still trying to figure things out. This is why answering the question “Where are you from?" is hard. That's a complex answer. The problem is people don't always want a complex answer. They want a simple one, which is sometimes just not good enough. Like I said to Thaddeus complexity defines us. This is where the Facebook quotes come in :). So please comment, as always constructive criticism is always appreciated. Just no hate mail.

4 comments:

  1. Identities are weighty things. And they matter. I love your quote: "Let them carry their own stereotype for once. I carry enough." Because, in reality, that is part of the privilege of the privileged group. As a White, I get to ignore my racial identity. I'm, in effect, raceless. Now, you're playing a different identity game. And I'm so glad that you're questioning it.

    I also wrote a blog post about our conversation. You should check it out.

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  2. Andrea! I didn't know you had a blog! I do too, this is awesome! here's mine if you want to read it sometime ;)
    http://wherewithoutwhom.blogspot.com/

    Anyway, I guess you have to deal with stereotypes anywhere you go. I, mean who REALLY is an American? It's hard to identify yourself when your parents are born in one country and you are born in another. Then you have to deal with Americanization and then going back to your parent's country and (in this case Mexico) and being called American or gringa.

    I know what you mean, I've been there before. It's really interesting how you have been able to compare your friend's situation with your own as well.

    Maybe this it is human nature, in terms of having to label everyone. Yes, identifying or "labeling" a person gives somewhat of a background on someone but it's also a tough issue.

    You pointed out also that you have to deal with your stereotype in the US and then go abroad and have a new stereotype. The funny thing is that even though you are classified into the American stereotype that you know you wouldn't be classified as completely American in U.S.

    I hope your having fun over there!!!
    great post!

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  3. http://illgetthere.wordpress.com/
    My friends blog, which goes along with mine:)

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  4. Andrea---Reading what you and Thaddeus say on your blogs... Wonderful, thought provoking.

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