Hope

Ok, again I know I said I would write about my travels, but this is part of the experience too. So, the story begins with my EU politics and culture class, where we were doing a simulation on immigration and neighbor’s policy focusing specifically on North Africa and the events going on there. I was the EU’s representative for Algeria you could say, and I initially chose Algeria because I thought I was actually going to represent Algeria and its interests, plus I would get to catch up on news and also learn about Algeria’s situation. But instead I was a person working for the EU and my job was to find a balance between the EU's interests and Algeria. So we talked about a lot of things, like security, asylum, flow of migrants, unemployment, etc. But something that really started to bug me was that the rhetoric of some of the leaders in the EU (specifically France and Italy) was the same or very similar to the rhetoric being used in the USA: Increase border security, more funding for FRONTEX and EUROPOL (which is like La Migra (ICE) in the US). Also in my class the way the students were talking about the migrants bothered me. It was basically a perpetuation of the "increase security" and the equating migrants, and especially undocumented migrants, with criminals. They were spoken of as a threat more than as people fleeing in some cases war torn countries, poverty, etc. This really bothered me and in my head I was thinking “Criminalization of Immigrants.” I don’t know if the students were playing their parts very well, or if they actually see it this way, but it was incredibly frustrating to hear and also the fact that I couldn’t say anything made it frustrating, since we were in a time crunch because of class and everyone had to present their parts, so there wasn’t always room for discussion. Sometimes my professor did talk too much, but he does that a lot and I do learn when he explains things further (especially when I don't understand things, since this class is taught in German), but I felt that took away from the discussion. I think I was also afraid to speak up at some point too, which just put more fuel in the fire of my frustration. I think the thing that really drove me over the edge though was an article that my professor gave us to read about the Schengen agreement, so like visas and immigration stuff, because those articles contained the words “illegal immigrant.” Literally my blood boiled over and honestly I discovered I don’t tolerate that word, before I didn’t use the word, didn’t like it, and didn’t like when other people used it (This all applies to the present as well). I guess what surprised me was to find out how deep my dislike, maybe even hate I would venture out to say, for the words “illegal immigrant” ran. I crossed out, underlined, and/or circled every time I saw the word illegal, within the context of describing people as illegal, and I replaced it with undocumented.

That was when I also realized that I needed to learn how to say undocumented in German, because I don’t want to say illegal. I said it once in a conversation to get my point across in German, but I switched to my grammatically incorrect construction of “People without a visa.” My thoughts were, “I don’t use that word in that way in Spanish or in English. Why I am I going to do that in German, for the sake of getting my point across? No, I don’t care if “People without a visa” is grammatically incorrect. I will say that until I find a different way.” So then I asked my professor and he suggested “People without a visa” (Grammatically correct this time, but still the meaning is not quite the same as undocumented, but it’s better than the alternative). He also suggested “People without a right to be here.” That one made me go numb and my blood go cold. I really don’t think my professor knows to this day how much hearing that affected me. My question for my self was “Could I say that?” “Should I say that?” “Would I say that?” The answer to all was no. Part of me was like “Could you turn around and tell your mother that?” How could I call these people that, when I come from the same background? I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, and it’s not right. I know the situations are different, but still the situations are as different as they are the same. My parents and a lot of my family left for the same reasons, or for a lot of the same reasons they did too. I guess the main difference comes in, speaking specifically about mestizo/a Mexicans, the fact that we see ourselves as indigenous to the continent of the Americas. We do have an indigenous past, whether we acknowledge it or not is a different story and how indigenous people are treated in Mexico points to one of the many contradictions that exist with this view, but that can be a whole other blog post/ paper/panel/etc. Anyway back to this. For me it doesn’t matter because the immigrants in Europe left for the same or similar reasons that my parents left Mexico. Essentially, it is to get a better life and also the fact that a lot of the push pull factors of immigration aren’t in our control. Examples are NAFTA in Mexico and the fact that some EU leaders were buddies with some of the dictators in North Africa.

The end point of that entire rant is I will not use “People without a right to be here.” At that point I felt a the barrier go up between me and my professor, and don’t get me wrong he is a really nice guy and smart, it’s just him saying that has given me the impression, that he may not really understand this or me. My professor has helped us a lot here and he really pushes us to learn, but honestly this I don't know. Maybe I also need to get to know him better and he needs to get to know me better too. Through another conversation with Thaddeus on facebook, I told him that I also realized that I wouldn't I live here. It’s a nice place but I don't want to live here. The reasons are if it’s going to be the same thing here as in the USA, by this I mean the rhetoric, criminalization of immigrants, pervasiveness of the term “illegal immigrant,” then why stay here? Why live here? Thaddeus was the one who pointed out to me that those things are the same in the USA. He made me look at that more. Thank you Thaddeus! The reason I would choose the USA over Austria is because my family is in the USA, its closer to Mexico, I have more access to Mexican food and other things, and I know the system better in the USA. I would love to come back and visit, but if given the choice I would not settle here. Another aspect of this entire thing we discussed was the fact that I am used to being around people who understand what being a minority is, living in an immigrant community, and/or feeling like a target is like. At the very least people who will take the time to learn and to try to understand our situations and where we are coming from. We agreed that college is a bubble sometimes and so is Global Crossroads. So being here was a nice little wake up call that said, "Not all people know this stuff!!! Not all people care!!!! Not all people are willing to take the time to listen!!!!" Lovely wake up call, no? (Note the sarcasm there).

When I spoke to Thaddeus, or chatted with him to be more precise, I was over the worst of the frustration, but when I spoke to my friend Mary it was still full on. I was frustrated with the world, frustrated with the fact that the same things are happening here as in the USA and the fact that they weren’t comparing notes to figure out a better solution. I honestly thought things would be different here. I mean there are differences, but not so big I would say. I was frustrated with people, with myself. I was also frustrated with German, because I got a paper back and it wasn't really the grade I wanted, which indicated that I need to work harder. I was really in a people suck, the world sucks, and humanity as a whole sucks mood. I really wanted to cry out of anger, sadness, and frustration. This lasted for about a week and the only thing that pulled me out was a quote from a book I was reading in my literature class.

So in my class we were reading “Die Dreigroschenoper” or “The Threepenny Opera” by Bertolt Brecht. It’s a play in which he criticizes the hypocrisy and the opportunism in society. The people in the story are either opportunistic, hypocrites, or both. I guess he brings out some of our worst qualities as people to make a point. But there was this line in one of the songs from this play, which goes like this “Erst kommt das Fressen, dann kommt die Moral” Brecht 69. It translates as first comes food then comes morality, but Fressen means food for animals which points to our animalistic qualities (Yes, I know that biologically we do belong to the animal kingdom and that we are animals). So then I applied my own situation to this line and to other situations I am familiar with. Immigration for example people leave to find a better life and in the USA’s case civil law is broken sometimes in order to get there. Also, once in the country the lack of papers makes it hard to do anything, so then in order to get a job one is forced to seek out fake papers. Even within family, those who have papers sometimes lend them to those who don’t have papers. I mean no offense to anyone but this is survival. You need a job to get money in order to pay rent/mortgage and for food. In the song the character also says how institutions are telling us to be good and how to go about doing that, but that first they should give people food then they can talk about morality. So what happens when one is in utter economic misery? It’s like yeah I want to be good but I also need to eat. What happens when it’s these very institutions that have created some of these situations? What then?

Then I thought about how even though Brecht portrayed the characters in his story so badly and portrayed society in a not so good light, I realized he had hope or else he would not have written this. His purpose behind developing the Epic Theater and writing in that style was to get people to think critically about his play, what he was trying to say, society, and things in general. He had hope that things would change for the better. After realizing this I realized that I have hope too. If I didn’t have any hope, I wouldn’t get frustrated, sad, angry, or any of the other emotions that go along with being an activist, seeing the wrongs in society, wanting things to change etc. That realization gave me a breath of fresh air. Anyway, then I remembered Dante’s “Inferno” and the first level of hell, where Socrates and Aristotle were sent for being pagans but not bad really. I read this part in high school in my humanities class and I remembered thinking the first level of hell is not so bad. The way it was in the book that nothing changes everything stays the same and there is no hope of improvement (or the situation worsening, but I guess that’s a good thing). I didn’t really understand that in high school, but now if someone came here and told me “This is the way the world is going to be. It won’t change. It’s fixed. No room for improvement no matter what you do.” So basically if someone told me this is the first level of Dante’s “Inferno” I think I would walk in front of a car and die. Now I understand that hell. “All hope abandon ye who enter here” the inscription to hell in Dante’s “Inferno” Now I understand this more I should say. Then I thought about Voltaire and his book “Candide, ”where he criticizes the optimism of his time; the saying/ thought that “This is the best of all possible worlds.” “Candide” is basically a satire of the world in which Voltaire says, “This is the best of all possible worlds, really?” He wasn’t accepting the world as it was and I realized neither will I, well I hadn’t been accepting it as it was for a while, but I guess it became clearer at this moment. I will not accept this world as it is. I simply refuse. So, this is how I got out of my people (I do include me in people) suck/the world sucks mood. So again I really appreciate constructive criticism and I really want to hear everyone’s thoughts and again no burning at the stake, but comments are appreciated.

Identity

So, I know I said I would update about Prague and Berlin, but this seems more important since it is a part of the experience of being in these places. I will start at the beginning. I went to wash dishes in the communal kitchen and it just so happens that my neighbor was there cooking. He is like me in the way that his parents are from Turkey and he was born in Austria, whereas I was born in the USA and my parents are from Mexico. We talked about identity, racism and discrimination, and how we are seen by society at large. We found out that a lot of things are the same. For example when he goes to Turkey people there say he is Austrian, but when he is in Austria people here say he is Turkish. It is the same for me. When I got to Mexico people there call me "Gringa," "Pocha," or American, but when I am in the USA I am called Mexican. I also asked him about his experience in school. I was wondering if it was the same as mine, which was getting taught Spanish first then English and he told me no. Here they just hammer German into you. He told me that it's only until recently that that they have figured out that one must learn his or her mother language first and then move on to the other language. We also talked about the criminalization of Turkish people in Austria and the criminalization of Latinas/os in the USA. It surprised me how many things are the same between us and them. He said that they are seen as a virus here and I would also agree that we are seen the same way in the USA. By the way this entire conversation happened in German!
Then I came back to my room and found my friend Thaddeus online. I told him about the conversation I had with my neighbor. Then we started talking about this further and a few interesting quotes came out of this conversation which can be found on Facebook. A lot of what I am going to say came out of this conversation with him. I told him one of the things I have noticed here and that I have also mentioned to other people, including my neighbors, is that it’s weird for me to be here in Vienna and not feel like a target. The Turkish are to Austria as Mexicans are to the USA. I will speak here about Mexicans/Mexican Americans because that is what I know best and that is really what I experience in the USA. I know what it is like to be Mexican within the context of the USA. What I don't know is what it means to Mexican in Austria. Like I said it's different because I'm not a part of the target group; therefore, I don't feel like a target. I am not criminalized in this country; at least I don't feel that I am. The way my friend Thaddeus described it is that I moved up into the privileged group here. I am not going to lie; it is nice not feeling like a target here, but it is weird. I am trying to figure out the rules but I can't. I know the rules in the USA. I need to know them they ensure survival. I understand some of them in Mexico, but I don't know all of them. Here I just don't know. I guess here rules can be seen as obstacles and barriers. I know what obstacles and barriers exist for me in the U.S., I am familiar with them in Mexico, but here since in a way I am in a position of privilege I don't know what they are. I am not used to being in a position of privilege, at least in this aspect if privilege, so I may be trying to find rules, obstacles, and/or barriers that may not exist, or that aren't as abundant as I am used to.
Another identity thing I ran into here is the "American Identity." It literally kills me on the inside, when I am with in a big group of students from UIUC and when they ask someone where we are from and that person says, “We’re American." The reason it bothers me so much is that saying just "American" does not encompass what I am and who I am. It doesn't adequately describe my position within the USA. It doesn't cover my experience. I mean, that word "American" I feel does not really include me. It doesn't say anything about me. When I first got here I used to say that I was Mexican American. I wasn't sure if people would understand Chicana or Latina, and I couldn't just say Mexican like I do in the USA, because that would imply I was born and raised in Mexico, which is not correct. Then I figured out that when I said Mexican American I was actually saying that I come from the continent of the Americas (North, South, and Central), but from the country Mexico. Keep in mind this was in German within the context of the German language. Now I just say I was born in the USA, but my parents are from Mexico and I am somewhere in the middle. And the cool thing about this is that I can say this in German, maybe not grammatically correct German, but I get my point across.
Also, when you say you are American you also carry the stereotypes associated with that identity, and let me tell you the stereotypes about Americans are not good. I mean, yes I am used to carrying stereotypes (good and bad) around. It comes with the territory whether I like it or not. When I identify as Mexican, Latina, or Chicana, I feel I carry everything those identities encompass. Not that I know everything, but I mean talking about good or bad stereotypes, prejudices, and other things. I feel like I don't carry that here, which is a load off my back. So when it comes to the negative stereotypes that are associated with the "American Identity" I opt out. I don't want to carry that stereotype, especially since I feel it is not really mine. I'll clarify this further. The impression that I have gotten here is that most people seem to still think of Americans as white and that does not include me, so that is why I feel the stereotype does not include me. I guess part of me feels this: "Let them carry their own stereotype for once. I carry enough."
I am still grappling with my own identity within the context of USA and Mexico. I am still trying to figure things out. This is why answering the question “Where are you from?" is hard. That's a complex answer. The problem is people don't always want a complex answer. They want a simple one, which is sometimes just not good enough. Like I said to Thaddeus complexity defines us. This is where the Facebook quotes come in :). So please comment, as always constructive criticism is always appreciated. Just no hate mail.

Getting to Prague

So yeah I went to Prague this past weekend, but I swear I have some of the worst luck traveling. So I will warn you don’t travel with me, because maybe not everything, but a lot of things will go wrong. Well the first thing it was kind of my friend and mine’s fault. We were late to the bus, but I mean we had class and our professor did not let us out early enough, so we ended up running to the bus station and when we got there we just saw the bus go by. My friend tried to get her roommate to tell the bus driver to wait for us like two minutes, but it wasn’t until later (yesterday) that we found out from her roommate that the bus driver didn’t speak English. Yeah, that could be a reason why the bus driver did not wait, or understand my friend when she was yelling at him or her over the phone. Then we could either take the next bus to Prague or try to see when the train left.

We decided to check out the train tickets and they were 60 Euros per person just one way, but with the discount they told us 21 Euros. Lucky me I forgot my discount card at the dorm. We got the time tables for when the next train as leaving to Prague and there was one in 48 minutes and then another in like 2 hours. So we decided to go check out the bus station and see our options there. We both knew from the internet that the next bus was sold out and that the next available one was at like 6 pm which meant we were going to get to Prague at 11 pm. We walked around for a bit and found the place we were supposed to wait for the bus but no bus station, so we were just like screw it let’s take the train.We were at Pratestern (U2 Purple). The plan was that my friend would head out to the U Bahn stop Landstrasse in Simmering, which is a Ubahn (like the subway) stop on the U3 line (Orange), and I would go back to the dorm (Heilegenstadt stop) and get my card. We had less than two hours to do this. So I came back, got my card, and left. Finally, I get to the station meet up my friend and we both headed to Simmering. We get to Simmering and we can’t buy our tickets on the automatic ticket thing, because Prague is not listed as one of the destinations. Then we talk to a lady and she tells us to head back to Landstrasse where someone can help us, so we head back and by this time we had like an hour before the next train left. We get to Landstrasse and find the ticket place and buy our tickets, which were 20 Euros more expensive than we were told, but by this time we were like whatever let’s just go. We went back to Simmering and bought food, because both of us hadn’t had time to eat that day. My friend had had chocolate and I had had a granola bar and a pear. We finally get on the train and head to Prague. Yay!!!

Now for part 2! We get to Prague, which is a really pretty city seriously. If anyone comes to Europe they have to come to Prague. We find our way to our hostel, which we missed along the way because we were distracted by the pretty architecture, and my friend checks in and everything is fine. Then I try to check in and I wrote down the confirmation number, but the lady there said that that’s useless and that she needs a name. I give her my name and she said that I wasn’t on there. I write down my name and she said, “Nope you are not on here and there is no more room.” I was like, “What?” I told the lady that I got a confirmation email, that where was I supposed to stay, and that if there was someone else I could speak too. She told me that it was not her fault and that I had to talk to the people where I booked it from. She was telling me to go stay in a hotel, or somewhere else. I was telling her if I could get my deposit back then. There were people there waiting to get checked in so she told me to wait, and in the mean time I went on one of the computers and pulled out the confirmation email. Other people had some problems too. There were some very nice Brazilians there who were having some trouble too. She was talking on the phone to someone and she got the Brazilians checked in. I sent her my confirmation email and then she said my name appeared and I got a room. The room I got was really nice! (Picture on top: My bed!) So in the end things worked out.

On the way back we got on the bus and my friend somehow had printed out my confirmation email for the bus on the way back, so she didn’t have hers and the person check in us in told us that if she couldn’t find her confirmation letter then it wasn’t valid. At this point I was like why? Why? Why? Why? Thank whatever deity exists up there, for the IPhone and Wi-Fi, because that enabled my friend to find her confirmation ticket!

Apart from all this Prague was great. We walked around all day and say all the cites, which included castles and churches. There is also this really cool clock there. I’m too lazy to keep writing I’ll put up another post, which says what we did in Prague.

Since the last post

Hey Everyone!
Yeah I know I haven't blogged in like a month, sorry. I will try I swear. So important things that have happened in the last month.....hmm..... I went ice skating in front of the Rathaus, a government building here in Vienna (Picture on the left). My feet were killing me and I couldn't even skate that well :( but it was fun :) I have lost my fear of cooking and that happened when I made tacos for my roommate, Grace, and my friend Daniele. So now I cook depending on what I have in the fridge. I understand a lot more German!
Oh yeah and I started class. All my classes are in German. I am taking a Literature course, EU Politics and Culture class, Language and Grammar class, Austrian History class, and Business German. Some of you that know me are probably asking yourselves "why is she taking business German?" Its ok I ask myself the same question. Honestly, I was too lazy to look for another class and this class counts for the minor so I took it. It's like a lab. It's three hours long! I know I've had orgo lab which is 4 hours long, but still that's lab. Anyway I can understand most of what goes on in all my classes except history. Now I understand like 70% of all my other classes but in history I'm lucky if i understand 1-2%. The professor speaks so fast and I can't read, write, and listen at the same time in German. My hope is that by the end of the semester I will be able to understand him. And this is graffiti that I found while walking around with my friend Yanbin. So far this picture is one of my favorites in Vienna. It means "No Man is Illegal," which I also take to mean no one is illegal.
I'll write more about my accidents due to language misunderstandings later.
Bye!

Getting to Vienna

So this is my first post. Let's see how this goes. Well getting to anywhere is a hassle, most of the time and getting to Vienna was no different. I had to get to the airport, in theory, by 4 pm on February 14th 2011. Well, my uncle couldn't come until about 3:30 pm because my aunt did not get out of work until like 3 pm I'm guessing, and she was the one who volunteered to take care of his kids. So the point is we left the house at about 3:40 pm, which is pretty late considering we live in Aurora, IL and it takes about 40 minutes to get to the airport. We arrived at the O'Hare Airport and we went to terminal 5, because I thought since the flight is international there is a greater chance of it being there. Turns out the flight leaves from Terminal 1, since it was operated by United Airlines. So there we go lugging my luggage around (my little brother and sister also came with me and my uncle). We finally make it to Terminal 1 and I asked a guy where I go to check in and then a lady tells me to check in with the machine thing, so I do but the thing is that it keeps asking me these random, in my opinion questions, about pay extra en get a seat here or something. I finally check in and go to the security gate and say good-bye to my uncle Ivan, sister Denise, and brother Levi. Keep in mind that when I go through security I have a humongous backpack and my laptop case plus a sweater, jacket, a thin shirt on and another one under it, so when I went through security, like always, it was a pain to take the two jackets, my shoes, and take the laptop out of its case and put it all on/back where it belongs. I then proceed to the gate and ask the lady there if I needed to do anything else. She said no so I sat down. Then it was time to board the plane. I will confess that during this whole time I was nervous and anxious, because I was afraid that something would go wrong and I wouldn't be able to go because of that. The whole journey seems impossible, which is why I still have a hard time believing I'm here! But anyway I get on the plain and find my seat, but as I am passing by I learned/realized that there are 3 types of first class. There is like the super mega first class that looks like you have a home theater on the plane ( well the set up reminded me of that), then there is a toned down version of that, and last but not least the first class that I am used to seeing. I went to the economy plus, which I still don't understand why they are plus since it is the only type of economy class there. Anyway I went to find my seat 28 B and it was next to this lady, which I would later find out that she is French and has an American husband. She also has a Mexican exchange student living with her at her house and the student is from Monterrey. Ok, so let me tell you about the plane. So I wasn't expecting anything. I was expecting to be treated like I would when I go to Mexico on the airline Mexicana and other airlines that I've gone through. I was completely wrong and so caught by surprise. We got blankets and pillows, that alone was more than I expected. A little while later they started to give refreshments and I thought, "I probably wont get anything because they will charge," but they didn't. I got water anyways. I was thirsty. So then they gave us a bag of pretzels and I was expecting that. Oh and we got nice free headphones, whereas in some airlines they are cheap and they charge for them, by the way there were screens in front of every seat (attached behind each seat) so everyone had their own individual screen. I started to mess with the buttons and channels available. Each channel had a movie playing. I was really surprised they didn't charge for the movies, since I had heard that some airlines charge to view movies. So Iwas watching my movie (Secretariat) when we actually got food! I didn't know food was included in the ticket. Then one of the guys working for the airline tells us we can move to different seats if we wanted too because there weren't enough people on the plane. Eventually I did move to an empty row with two seats. I tried to sleep but couldn't, so I watched another movie ( the new one with Emma Roberts). I also meet this one guy from West Africa, I can't remember the country though. I had a headache during most of the flight, but it was OK. I tried to look out the window a lot. I bet I looked like an exited little kid to a lot of people, because I was kneeling on the sea to get a better view. I was really afraid/paranoid that the plane would crash, so as it took off I recited some of the prayers I know and tried to remember how the rosary went, yeah. I was also thinking about the Greek gods (Percy Jackson obsession people, I know one of many) and saying in my mind "I hope Zeus doesn't blast out of the sky" or "If we fall I hope Poseidon is kind." Yes, I know I was paranoid, but it seemed like it was impossible for me to make it here so yeah... Then we got to Brussels, Belgium. I was so excited, because I thought "If I die from here to Vienna at least I made it to one part of Europe." I think it was also the lack of sleep talking.
I had 1 hour to transfer planes, so I thought eh it'll be all right. Yeah turns out that it was a lot farther than I imagined. It felt like I went from one side of the airport to another. There were cool things there and if I had had more time I would've liked to check it out. I finally made it to the transfer gate and by this time I was all hot and sweaty. Brussels was a lot warmer than I expected. Oh well point is I made it and got on the next plane. On this plane I finally crashed. It was 2 am in the morning Midwest time. I was done. I fell asleep without realizing it. It was on the plane though, but I woke up in time to eat:) I finally got t Vienna, but I wasted all my excitement on Brussels. I was too tired to be excited. We got off the plane and a little bus picked us up and took us to the airport entrance. The entrance was actually not very far, but if you had luggage the ride was convenient. So I got to the airport at noon and had to wait for two hours because two other students were coming shortly after I did. I logged on to the internet and read fanfiction (yeah I know pathetic, but I couldn't help it). I let my mom know I was OK and that I made it to the airport. OK so that's getting to Vienna. I'll post more stuff later.
Bye!